My Husband Won't Pray With Me | 8 Ways to Encourage Him

Sharing is caring

Sharing is caring

This post may contain affiliate links, which means if you purchase something after clicking on the link, I’ll probably earn a few bucks from it, but there is no extra charge to you. Please read f ull disclosure for more information.

Prayer is so important within a Christian marriage. However, sometimes one or both partners may have a fear of praying in front of the other. If you’re a woman who is struggling because her husband won’t pray with you, you’ve come to the right place.

I was once in the opposite position. Early on in our marriage, I was actually the one who was afraid to pray out loud with my husband. It’s not that I thought he would judge me or make fun of me, but it just felt awkward and strange. Praying out loud wasn’t something that I had put into practice much before. I remember praying for dinner every evening with my family growing up. But the thought of actually praying a thoughtful, intentional prayer in front of other people terrified me.

My fear of praying, in a way, stemmed from my absolute fear of public speaking and worrying what others would think of me. Ever attending youth group in my tween years every Wednesday night, it was something I struggled with from the very beginning. And although I have made big progress in overcoming this fear of praying out loud, I can still find myself in public situations where I just freeze up.

Praise God for helping me to grow in my prayer life over the years! And although today is geared toward helping husbands to pray with their wives, all of my tips that I have for you today are ways that my own husband helped and encouraged me to overcome my fears.

my husband won't pray with me | encouragement for christian marriage

When your husband won’t pray with you…these 8 tips may help to encourage him.

Ladies, you know your husbands well. It’s important that as you approach encouraging him to pray with you that you remain open-minded and allow him the space to express his thoughts and feelings.

1. Become a Prayer Warrior FOR Him

Your biggest weapon is prayer, sisters. Let’s never forget that. Whenever you face any kind of challenge in your marriage, your first response should be to go to the Lord in prayer. If your husband won’t pray with you, bring it to your Heavenly Father. He knows your husband’s heart more intimately than you do. But when a wife is praying spiritual healing over her husband, man that is a powerful thing!

Pray, and pray often. Bring your requests to God daily, and don’t let up. Don’t allow a single opportunity open for the enemy to break in and steal. I have personally used these prayer cards as a helpful guide for my prayers as I lift my husband up to the Lord and bring my requests to God.

2. Lead by Example

One of the best way to teach is to lead by example. They say “actions speak louder than words.” Well, there is definitely a lot of truth in that. As I was struggling with my own refusal to pray with my spouse, I gained more reassurance and clarity on how important it was not because Jon was telling me so. Instead, I watched as he prayed together with me regardless of whether or not I was going to join in.

If your husband won’t pray, that’s okay. Ask him to join you in praying, but assure him that there’s no pressure for him to pray out loud if he doesn’t want to. Make this a daily habit. And again, adjust your expectations and just invite him to be a part of your prayer.

Another important thing to keep in mind as you lead by example is to pray using the example of the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13 as your guide. Practice praying with these four things in mind:

Adoration – start my praising God for who he is. Spend time listing out the characteristics of God and expressing adoration.

"Our Father or art in Heaven, hallowed be they name; thy Kingdom come, thy will be done; on earth as it is in Heaven."

2. Confession – share what the Lord is convicting your heart of and asking for forgiveness and guidance as you redirect your path.

"Give us this day our daily bread.  Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us."

3. Sanctification – ask God to make you more like him.

"Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."

4. Gratitude – spend some time expressing your gratitude and thankfulness for all that the Lord is doing in your life.

"For the Kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours now and forever.  Amen."

3. Offer Patience & Grace

When I was struggling to find the courage to pray with my husband, one of the best things he could have done for me was to just be patient and continue extending grace upon grace. If your husband won’t pray with you, just be patient. Allow him the space he needs to be convicted by the Holy Spirit. There is probably very little you can say that would make him do what you want him to do. So when words aren’t enough, just allow the God the space to do the work.

Extend grace upon grace to him. Think of something in your own walk with the Lord that you have found difficult to change or accomplish. How much grace did the Lord extend to you time after time? What may be easy for one person may be very difficult for someone else, so just keep reminding yourself of that truth.

²⁶In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.
romans 8:26 niv

4. Allow Space for Him to Express His Apprehensions

When your husband won’t pray with you, it’s really important to make sure that you are creating a welcoming space for him to express his feelings. Most men already have a difficult time tapping into their emotional side. But once they are ready, it’s important that you are ready to just listen. This isn’t necessarily the time for you to have much of a response. Don’t make him feel like you’re trying to “fix” him. Instead, acknowledge his feeling and thank him for being open about his struggles.

5. Reassure Him

Once your husband has felt comfortable enough to open up about his feelings, offer reassurance. Again, this doesn’t mean that he needs you to give him advice. So often, we women want to be “fixers.” Am I right? I know I absolutely fall into that category. However, fixing his problems isn’t your job. Let that job up to God. He knows your husband’s heart more intimately than your husband knows his own heart. The Lord knows exactly what walls need broken down.

I remember when I was struggling to pray out loud with my husband, he would tell me things like, “It’s okay, you’ll feel comfortable someday,” or, “You don’t need to feel obligated to pray, but I want to pray for us right now.” By allowing me to work through my struggles in my own way and time, it built trust in our marriage. His reassurance, patience, and grace made me feel safe.

6. Create Opportunities for Him to Pray

As time went on, I noticed that my husband would begin to offer opportunities for me to pray with him. Every couple of months or so, he would say something like, “Would you like to try praying with me tonight?” or, “I’ll start the prayer and pause when I’m finished. So if there’s anything you’d like to add, you can.” Eventually, this really cool transformation began to take place. In the moments of silence after my husband was finished praying (before saying “Amen”), I started to feel the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart more and more.

Until one day, the prayer paused and I actually opened my mouth and began to pray. Mind you, it took about a full year into our marriage before I was comfortable enough to do this. But during that year, my husband continued to show unwavering patience, grace, encouragement, and reassurance.

how to encourage your spouse to pray | husband won't pray with me

7. Never Judge, Critique, or Giggle

At some point, there will be a breakthrough. Your husband will begin praying with you, and how you choose to react is crucial.

When your husband does decide to be bold, step outside of his comfort zone, and pray, never critique, judge, or giggle. I repeat, never, ever critique, judge or giggle. No two people pray in the same way. Everyone has to start somewhere, and prayer does not have to be eloquent. I have been witness to believers chuckling as someone is praying because their words may be child-like or sound awkward. If my husband would have treated me that way, I would have immediately cowered in embarrassment and vowed to never pray out lout again.

Even if your husband fumbles over his words and pray a simple, two-sentence prayer, God is rejoicing! This is not the time to snicker, even if you think it’s all in good fun. Which leads us to our next topic…

8. Celebrate the Victories

Celebrate and rejoice in the victories…no matter how big or small. Like I mentioned above, God is rejoicing! You should, too. I’m not saying you have to release balloons and toss confetti, but this is the time to embrace your husband and tell him you are proud of how far he has come.

I think the first time I decided to pray with my husband, his response was, “See, now was that so hard?” It wasn’t EXACTLY the most appropriate response. But for our relationship dynamic, it worked. In my mind, that sentence meant, “I see you making progress, and I hope you now realize that it’s not as scary as you thought.”

¹⁶Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
James 5:16 niv

9. Be Consistent

When your husband won’t pray together with you, it may seem easier to just say, “Oh well” and go on praying by yourself. Sister, trust me, continuing showing up for him. Continue planting those seeds and allow the Lord to do the rest. Be consistent with praying together, even if it means he won’t say a word. Decide today that you will invite him to pray with you daily. Reassure him that he is not obligated to say anything, but that you just want him to be present because it makes you feel more connected as husband and wife.

Also, keep in mind that when he does decide to pray that very first time, don’t expect him to pray every time. Courage can come and go, and that’s okay. If your husband prays one time and not the next, do not make him feel bad about that. Continue praying for him during your private quiet time with the Lord. Seek His guidance and wisdom as you disciple and encourage your husband in this area of his faith.

10. Bonus: Pick a Specific Topic

It occurred to me while writing #9 that there is another great way to help encourage your husband to pray with you; pick a specific topic.

When I was having difficulty praying out loud with my husband, I noticed that I often felt more comfortable praying if there was something very specific to pray for. Often times, I get overwhelmed with choices. So instead of having to come up with my own things to pray about, having a designated topic made it a lot easier to form my thoughts.